I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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