He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
