Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
