Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
