you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My bed smells like the plague
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
