You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
