I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you never un-have a 4some
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize