you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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