woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
