I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
