Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
