i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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