i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
