in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
