He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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