New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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