i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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