I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
