i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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