we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
