barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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