THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
two words...techno handjob
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
