oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
