i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
