My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
