After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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