There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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