Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
