Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
