If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
