Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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