Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
