I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
