I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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