Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
