apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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