yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
