I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
