i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
