Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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