He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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