New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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