I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
