Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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