I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
