i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
