Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
