Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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