Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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