do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
