I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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