Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
