dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
