How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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