i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
