I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
