if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
