Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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