Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
