it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
