You don't have asthma, your pregnant
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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