Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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