In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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