I'm drive I can fine osifer
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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