What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize