I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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