I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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