My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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