Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
