you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
