wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
