Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
