Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
