i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize