i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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